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Director: Barry Mahon
The Swensen Twins
International Cheescake Beauties
Gigi "The German Bombshell"
Label: Something Weird Video
More mind-numbing madness from director BARRY MAHON….
Rotund BERNIE ALLEN (who also stars in Mahon’s Nude Scrapbook) is an inept cook obsessed with the ladies he sees in a nudie calendar. So much so that it's affecting his job to the extent that food – yes, food! – begins stirring up pervy images of naked gals cavorting in a variety of scenarios to a classical soundtrack. Meanwhile, a disembodied female voice is constantly reprimanding Bernie: “How can such a nice guy like you have such awful thoughts?”
And Bernie does indeed have quite a vivid imagination – melons, jello, shrimp cocktails, fried eggs, scoops of cottage cheese, sardines, even smoked salmon and crackers (?!) all summon visions of nudes. Nudes on beds, nudes on boats; nudes on carpets, couches, and chairs; nudes swimming in a pool; nudes talking on the phone; nudes polishing glasses; nudes turning on the TV; and on and on, over and over…. No plot, no acting, and not even much of a premise. Just lots and lots of naked women.
And when Bernie isn’t daydreaming, he’s constantly propositioning the waitresses: “Hey, you’re the prettiest girl in the place! How about a date tonight? Tomorrow night? The next?” And, quite reasonably, they routinely reject him. Bernie even has the nerve to imagine them roaming around nekkid! Ai-ei-ei….
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is International Smorgas-Broad. Wow.
Some of the nudie clips appear to be random snippets that Mr. Mahon probably picked up off the cutting room floor and pieced together into a figurative smorgasbord of nudity. Many scenes are vaguely familiar and may very well be from Mahon’s other color nudie-cuties but, hey, Mahon’s nudie-cuties all blur together anyway so, what the hell, sit back and enjoy the scenery.
Among the marvelous sights on display are Mahon regulars DARLENE BENNETT and sister DAWN BENNETT (billed here as “The Swenson Twins”), GIGI DARLENE (billed as “Gigi the German Bombshell”), as well as lovely VICKI MILES (Diary of a Nudist) and DELORES CARLOS (The Beast That Killed Women) posing dramatically while sipping cocktails in the raw – like all us ladies are wont to do.
This may well be the ultimate in brainless nudie-cuties. Mahon was a genius. An absolute genius. -- Lisa Petrucci